How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
