Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
