Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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