This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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