meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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