what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
