I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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