I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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