If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
