I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
