I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
