fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
