She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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