I want to stick my p in your. b.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
