Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
