Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize