I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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