EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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