Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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