the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize