i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
