I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
