His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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