no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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