just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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