Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
