So drunk its hurt
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
