it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize