I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
