just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
