She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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