Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
