Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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