i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
