I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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