walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
