the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
