New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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