hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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