The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
