Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
