Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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