I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is wine microwaveable?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
