i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
