Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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