Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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