Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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