apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
