I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
