Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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