Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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