my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
