i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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