When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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