That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
