a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
