She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
