Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
