Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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