The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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