whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
