so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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