I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
