We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
