And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My pussy is not your playground.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
