Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
