I'm eating all of the evidence.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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