She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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