Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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