Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
