im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
