I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
