I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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